we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
