I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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