The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As shirtless as possible
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
