So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
