I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
