I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
