Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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