i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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