Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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