I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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