the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize