God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
