i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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