do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
