Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
