i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
