Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
