I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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