i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
