opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
