party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
smell my finger.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
be right there i have to get my cape
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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