you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize