How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
