i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
