Can i not drive my cunt home
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
