Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
