i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
