Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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