they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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