so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
