So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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