I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
