We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
