After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
