Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
