I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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