U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
