I'm eating all of the evidence.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
