Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
