Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
