Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
