I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
