I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
