why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ugly people sure do ruin things
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
