JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
