so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize