Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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