I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
