im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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