is your mom at the bar?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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