I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
