There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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