margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
