And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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