Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
