After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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