How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
