What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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