at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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