sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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