he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
