another moral hangover. fuck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
