marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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