Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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