jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fill condoms, not promises.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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