just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
