Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
