You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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