Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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