just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
