His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
