the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no, he came in my armpit
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
