I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
