I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
