wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's always time for handjobs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
