The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
