I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize