Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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