i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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