i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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