We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
